Mr. Handyman

Paul is a handyman. I think in a former life he was involved in building the Great Pyramids. I am consistently amazed by the type of home improvement and fix-it projects that he undertakes, and successfully completes with only the aid of him mind, and several hundred trips to Menard's.


The other day, the garbage disposal was making an awful sound. At least that is what Zach said. I could care less what it sounds like as long as the food is going down the sink pipe. I mean, what is a garbage disposal supposed to sound like? Bach?


I ignored the sound... because I know what will happen if something is wrong with the garbage disposal...


It will become Paul's obsession until it is fixed.


Unfortunately, the next time I used the garbage disposal - Paul heard it.


Uh oh...

Paul will now be officially undertaking a fix-it project. I understand that many women find this appealing, and maybe even slightly sexually exciting...

I find myself caught between vague to moderate annoyance.

Believe me - I do understand how wonderful it is to have a partner who is so able to tackle these types of projects. Others spend thousands of dollars having people come over to fix sinks, drains, hang up curtains, put in wood floors, build mudrooms, repair drywall, miter and cut wood trim, remove drywall, paint the outside of the house, fix the computer, shingle the roof, grow elaborate ferns, identify any flower in North America, do laundry... etc. etc. etc.

Why does it annoy me - just a teeny weeny bit? Because it takes FOREVER. It takes SEVERAL trips to the hardware store. And because the longer it takes him, the more he gets annoyed with the project AND the more annoyed he gets with all of us.

I have learned to hunker down for a couple of days and just resign myself to the fact that Paul will now be fixing something we need to have fixed and it will take a while. He will be in a grumpy mood -- but he will not be as grumpy as he would be if he had to pay someone to fix it.

Which is kinda weird now that I think about it... because I can't really think of anything we have ever had someone else fix... except maybe the car's transmission. Paul couldn't fix that. Otherwise, here is a list of things he has done:

Installed the electric heat in our tiled bathroom
Tiled the bathroom
Took down drywall
Put up drywall
Textured the drywall
put up wood trim
put in hard wood maple floors
put in laminate floors
put in carpet
took out carpet
took down walls, cupboards,
installed lighting, fans, etc
put in a new whirly bird on the roof
painted the entire outside of the house (before we had it sided)
Built a mudroom for me
Built all my walk in closet shelving, drawers and accessories
He does a fantastic job of hanging pictures

And he doesn't just DO these projects. He does them RIGHT. There are no short-cuts with Paul when it comes to home repair. He does these repairs like a skilled surgeon... only he isn't able to sew things up in a few hours... it is more like a three-day total organ transplant.

What's a girl gonna do?

I just avoid eye contact with him... and when it finally gets done, I lavish him with praise and tell him how lucky I am to have such an accomplished handy-man for a husband. And then I hold my breath...

for the next thing to fall apart.

Whispers of love and dog

(This is a late posting of something I wrote on Valentine's Day - Dissertating was REALLY cramping my blogging style.)

Early into my marriage, Valentine's Day was a big deal for me.

I bought into the whole notion that the bigger the pomp, the more evidence of the depth of my husband's love for me.

Ehh... not now.

Fortunately 20 years of reality has made Hallmark-created holidays like V-Day much less relevant for me. Because showing your partner you love them - should not be cornered into one day a year.

I don't need or want Paul to take me out to dinner for Valentine's Day, or to get me flowers that will die, or buy me a over-priced card I will eventually throw away. I would rather feel loved in small simple ways 345 days a year... and take V-Day off.

By the way - this takes a lot of work. It's easier to do a bang up job on V-Day, anniversaries, birthdays and other holidays than to offer a small, but steady stream of love and respect all year long.

ALSO - and this is a very important also - you need to know your partner's love language. Because what makes me feel loved, may not make Paul feel loved. Uhm. Let me restate that. What makes me feel loved does not (not may not) does not make Paul feel loved... and vis versa.

I bought a book once called the Five Love Languages... interesting read. It really can be adapted to any relationship - parents, friends, whatever. Paul is the gift of doing... meaning when I DO chores around the house - he feels loved. I am all about words of praise. I like him to tell me he loves me, tell me he loves me, and tell me he loves me.

Oh, and tells me I am beautiful, wonderful, amazing, and fantastic. A couple times a day is all I need - one when I head out the door, the other when I come back home. That's all I need - then I'm good.

For example, when Paul mows the lawn, that is his way of telling me he loves me. So... I try really hard to think that. I stand looking out the back window as he is mowing the lawn and I tell myself over and over... WOW. Every step he takes, and every blade of grass that is getting its top whacked off... is just another flood o' love.

And I am sure when I run up and hug him when he gets home from work and I give him a bunch of kisses and tell him I love him... he is imagining me cleaning the kitchen, or putting in a new toilet, or tiling the bathroom floor and WOW. Does HE feel the love or WHAT!?

So - this creates a bit of a problem for us. See... I don't do chores... and Paul, well... he doesn't talk.

Now, don't get me wrong. I am happy to start many chores! I love starting projects... I start many and I do it often. And Paul talks about stuff - we talk a lot about the kids, and work, and parents.

So - I have had to learn to complete projects and he learned TALK about his feelings for me.

I try to make a conscious effort to tell Paul I love him the way Paul wants me to tell him I love him. I took my car in to get the oil changed. THAT spoke to him. He was terribly romantic after that. So he responded by lots of hugging and kissing and such. Hey! Whatev. If I just need to take the car in for a lube - I can do that for some words of praise.

And now he makes a conscious effort to tell me he loves me the way I like to hear it. I get spontaneous text messages asking me how I am doing and he is thinking of me... I'll get an email, a phone call at work or my chat pops up. And he tells me nice things when we are together.

One of my most favorite things that Paul and I do together...


Hold on there kids... this is totally G-rated...

...is lying in bed together and watching The Dog Whisperer on National Geographic.

Yup.